This is officially the manliest film EVER made. It's so manly, it comes with an additional Y chromosome, so that even girls who watch it can feel like men. It's so manly that it makes you beard sweat pure testosterone. It's like watching Chuck Norris' entire catalogue of films back to back while drinking whisky from the skull of your defeated enemy and making love to a beautiful woman for a week.
Seriously, it doesn't get manlier than this. If you watch this film, you will grow chest hair, a beard, and shout at everyone and everything your sheer joy at being a manly man, even if you're a woman.
If this film was a man he'd be the kind of man who washed down his ten bucket-sized shots of tequila with a petrol chaser, before eating the raw steak he cut from the back of the cow he carried on his back to the pub.
Is it a good film?
That is a question for lesser men.
Is it a sensible film?
That is a question for weaker men.
Is it worth watching?
Are you a man? If you ARE a man, then the answer is yes. If not, the answer is STILL yes.
Discussions about whether Frank Miller's sociopathic comics make for good films, and whether it's gay or straight, is it homoerotic, why does this bit make no sense, why is the script so silly at times, why are they so very, very oiled....
All these discussions are irrelevant. All you need is a spear, 300 mates with chests made of iron and hearts so hard it's like they've been chiselled from diamonds, and a voice with two volume settings: shouty and bellowing.
300 is exactly what it looks like. You don't need a review to tell you if you'll like it. You already know if you will or not.
That's how manly it is.